Did I just eat my baby’s porridge?

Did I seriously just eat my baby’s leftover porridge for breakfast? Did I just eat it our his bowl using his silicone spoon? Yes, I did and it was blinking lovely!

Motherhood has been a whirlwind of nappies, sick, poo, cuddles, smiles, laughs, tears (happy & sad) and a lot of “what the fuck” moments.

Having spent the last 9 months covered in sick, poo and wee I can safely say having my son was the best decision I ever made. He has truly brightened our world (and all the other gushy stuff mums say). But, as someone who isn’t massively maternal and didn’t grow up saying “all I want is to be a mum” my whole life I can’t believe how much I enjoy it but it isn’t a walk in the park.

It’s also the most bizarre experience. You’re sent home with this tiny human and told, go look after them and keep them alive but we are going to judge you every step of the way (thankfully, my midwife and health visitor were LOVELY and I never felt this way) but a lot of people do and that needs to change. There should be more guidance and support for mums who are struggling and who don’t “take to it like a duck to water” and there needs to be less judgement from those who are meant to be there to support you.

This person who can’t talk, walk, and barely opens their eyes only knows how to communicate by crying is now your responsibility. As a process driven person, not having a process or a guide book to help me navigate one of the hardest jobs on the planet threw me way off balance. Luckily I was really well supported by my husband, family, friends, my midwife and the health visitor but that isn’t the case for everyone.

At the hospital I told the nurse my baby was refusing to take is bottle. Her reply was that he needed to drink it. I told her again he wasn’t taking it. I was looked at like I was stupid. Of course, I’m a new mum so they look at you like you know nothing and she asked, “shall I watch you feed him to see?”. I said “ I may be a new mum but I know how to feed a baby a bottle but by all means, feel free to watch”. So she did and saw he was refusing, shocker! After that we spent 5 days in hospital because he had a lung infection, jaundice, suspected meningitis (thankfully this wasn’t the case) and we discovered he has a heart condition called Aortic Stenosis. I’d like to point out, the nurse who watched me feed my son wasn’t at fault for any of the conditions he ended up with, most were just unfortunate situations and complications from the labour. His Aortic Stenosis is something sadly, we will never know why or where it has come from.

My advice to anyone having a baby or has a newborn, would be, advocate for yourself and for your baby. If it doesn’t feel right, speak up. If you are a first time mum don’t let that be a reason you take everything the advisors are saying as gospel. If you know, you know. A mums instinct can never be underestimated.